rxl550qpt7's Journal

@@@@@Crawford would certainly never address her
@@@@@Crawford would certainly never address her so again:
he must have seen how unwelcome it was to her; and in that case,
how gratefully she could esteem him for his friendship to William!
She would not stir farther from the East room than the head of
the great staircase, till she had satisfied herself of MrCrawford’s
having left the house; but when convinced of his being gone, she
was eager to go down and be with her uncle, and have all the happiness
of his joy as well as her own, and all the benefit of his information
or his conjectures as to what would now be William’s destination
Sir Thomas was as joyful as she could desire, and very kind
and communicative; and she had so comfortable a talk with him
about William as to make her feel as if nothing had occurred to vex
her, till she found, towards the close, that MrCrawford was engaged
to return and dine there that very dayThis was a most unwelcome
hearing, for though he might think nothing of what had
passed, it would be quite distressing to her to see him again so soon
She tried to get the better of it; tried very hard, as the dinner hour
approached, to feel and appear as usual; but it was quite impossible
for her not to look most shy and uncomfortable when their visitor
entered the roomShe could not have supposed it in the power of
any concurrence of circumstances to give her so many painful sensations
on the first day of hearing of William’s promotionCrawford was not only in the room—he was soon close to
herHe had a note to deliver from his sisterFanny could not look at
him, but there was no consciousness of past folly in his voiceShe
opened her note immediately, glad to have anything to do, and happy,
as she read it, to feel that the fidgetings of her aunt Norris, who was
also to dine there, screened her a little from view
“My dear Fanny,—for so I may now always call you, to the infinite
relief of a tongue that has been stumbling at Miss Price for at least the
last six weeks—I cannot let my brother go without sending you a few
265
Jane Austen
lines of general congratulation, and giving my most joyful consent
and approvalGo on, my dear Fanny, and without fear; there can be
no difficulties worth namingI chuse to suppose that the assurance of
my consent will be something; so you may smile upon him with your
sweetest smiles this afternoon, and send him back to me even happier
than he goesYours affectionately, M
These were not expressions to do Fanny any good; for though she
read in too much haste and confusion to form the clearest judgment
of Miss Crawford’s meaning, it was evident that she meant to
compliment her on her brother’s attachment, and even to appear to
believe it seriousShe did not know what to do, or what to think
There was wretchedness in the idea of its being serious; there was
perplexity and agitation every wayShe was distressed whenever Mr
Crawford spoke to her, and he spoke to her much too often; and she
was afraid there was a something in his voice and manner in addressing
her very different from what they were when he talked to
the othersHer comfort in that day’s dinner was quite destroyed:
she could hardly eat anything; and when Sir Thomas goodhumouredly
observed that joy had taken away her appetite, she was
ready to sink with shame, from the dread of MrCrawford’s interpretation;
for though nothing could have tempted her to turn her
eyes to the right hand, where he sat, she felt that his were immediately
directed towards her
She was more silent than everShe would hardly join even when
William was the subject, for his commission came all from the right
hand too, and there was pain in the connexion
She thought Lady Bertram sat longer than ever, and began to be
in despair of ever getting away; but at last they were in the drawingroom,
and she was able to think as she would, while her aunts finished
the subject of William’s appointment in their own s